well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
