I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
