Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
