cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
