3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
