onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My feet surprised me
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