I hate all girls vehemently.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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