here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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