I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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