ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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