Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
