Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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