some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
