So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
