I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
