I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
