It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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