Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
