Tell her she can't have a vagina
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
