That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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