You really coming over, don't trick.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
