Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
