I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
