and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
