is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
