it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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