She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
