At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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