awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
