I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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