you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
