All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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