its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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