I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
