i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
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I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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