I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
