How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
