hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate all girls vehemently.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
