just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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