Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize