Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
