He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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