Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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