Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
