woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
