i just sent this text using only my big toe
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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