I'm going to jail i love you
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
