I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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