she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
