i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
