So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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