That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
