You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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