Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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