Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
