weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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