We got so high we made milksteak
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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