He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
