so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
