no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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