Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
