Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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