I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
