How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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