The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
