to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
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So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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