After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
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Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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