we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
