i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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