:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
