I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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