You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
