Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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